“I Was Listening… I Think?”
What Distracted Listening Tells Us About Our Mental Health
Author: Ashleigh Diserio
Have you ever found yourself nodding along during a conversation, only to realize you’ve completely missed what the other person just said? Your eyes are on them, but your mind is elsewhere, reviewing your to-do list, replaying a past conversation, or spiraling into a worry about the future. You’re not alone.
Difficulty maintaining focus in conversations is a common experience, particularly in today’s fast-paced and overstimulated world. During Mental Health Awareness Month, it's worth pausing to explore why this happens, how it connects to our mental well-being, and what we can do about it.
Why Do Our Minds Wander?
Mind-wandering is part of being human. Our brains are wired to jump between ideas, memories, and anticipations. However, when this behavior becomes chronic or disruptive, especially in relationships, it can lead to misunderstandings, emotional disconnection, and feelings of guilt.
Here are a few reasons this might happen:
Mental Overload: When your brain is overwhelmed with too much information, it can be challenging to stay present. Stress, anxiety, and burnout deplete your cognitive resources, making it harder to focus.
Unmanaged Anxiety or Depression: Both anxiety and depression can interfere with attention and processing. For instance, anxious thoughts may hijack your focus, while depression can make sustained concentration feel like a chore.
ADHD and Other Neurodivergent Traits: Individuals with ADHD or similar conditions often struggle with executive function, which impacts attention regulation. Distracted listening may not be a choice; it’s a neurological challenge (CHADD.org).
Digital Distraction: Our attention spans are constantly under attack from smartphones and social media. Even if your phone is silent, its mere presence can divide your focus.
How It Impacts Relationships
Distracted listening can make others feel unimportant, dismissed, or misunderstood. It creates subtle rifts in relationships, even when intentions are good. Over time, it can erode trust and closeness, especially if one or both parties feel they’re never really “heard.”
Tools to Reclaim Your Focus
Here are a few strategies to help you stay grounded in conversations:
🧘♀️ Mindful Listening
Engage in active listening by maintaining eye contact, paraphrasing the speaker's points, and minimizing distractions to ensure effective communication. Practicing mindfulness outside of the conversation, such as through daily meditation, can help train your brain to stay in the moment.
Try: Insight Timer or Headspace for free guided meditations focused on attention and presence.
🗒️ Mental Check-Ins
Before entering a conversation, take 10 seconds to check in with yourself: What’s on your mind? Are you emotionally overloaded? Recognizing your mental state helps you choose how to engage with intention.
📵 Reduce Tech Clutter
Silence notifications or put your phone in another room during conversations to avoid distractions. Research indicates that even the presence of a visible phone can negatively impact conversational quality and empathy (Ward et al., 2017).
🧍 Anchor Yourself Physically
Touch your index finger and thumb together lightly, or gently press your feet into the ground. This mindful grounding technique signals to your body to stay in the moment, especially when your thoughts try to drift away.
🧠 Notice Your "Departure Point"
Catch the moment your mind starts to wander. Does a particular word trigger it? A topic that makes you anxious? Boredom? Naming your mental “exit point” in real time helps you regain control over it.
🧘 Name Your Distraction (Silently)
When your mind starts wandering, try saying to yourself silently, “That’s a thought.” This mindfulness technique (from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) allows you to observe distraction without judgment and return to the present.
🧠 Support Cognitive Health
Ensure you’re attending to the basics: sleep, hydration, physical activity, and mental health support. When your brain is nourished and rested, focus naturally improves.
When to Seek Support
If you notice chronic distractibility, forgetfulness, or social withdrawal, it might be time to talk to a mental health professional. These can be symptoms of deeper concerns like anxiety, depression, or ADHD. Therapy can help you uncover the root causes and develop tools that work for your life.
Here are some great starting points:
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Offers free support groups and education.
CHADD – ADHD resources for adults and children
BetterHelp or Open Path Collective – Affordable virtual therapy options
In a world full of noise, focused presence is a gift not just to others, but to yourself. Distracted listening doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend, partner, or colleague. It’s often a sign that your mind is overworked, under-supported, or in need of rest.
Let’s give ourselves permission to slow down, tune in, and make space for authentic connection.
At Diserio Consulting, we offer life coaching designed to help individuals develop a deeper presence, sharper focus, and more meaningful connections, starting with how they listen. Through personalized coaching, clients learn practical tools and mindset shifts to stay engaged in conversations, manage internal distractions, and listen with intention.
Clients walk away with:
✅ Greater awareness of what triggers their mental drift
✅ Mindfulness tools to stay grounded and present in conversations
✅ Confidence in their ability to engage fully and authentically
✅ Improved relationships—personally and professionally—through deeper listening
✅ A customized plan to reduce overwhelm and build stronger focus in daily life
Whether you're struggling to stay engaged in work meetings, personal conversations, or social interactions, our coaching helps you reclaim your attention and reconnect with others.
Contact us to learn more.